September 17, 2015
Legend (theatrical
version) – US, 1985

Legend was written
by William Hjortsberg, whose had previously only written two screenplays, one
the pilot for a Roger Corman television show called The Georgia Peaches, and the other 1977’s Thunder and Lightning, starring David Carridine. His only writing
credit since Legend has been Mickey
Rourke’s Angel Heart. The first two
are gritty films about bootlegging and attempted extortion. Legend couldn’t be more different.
Hjortsberg sets his characters in a magical world that is protected by two
unicorns and imperiled by an evil being known as Darkness, played campily by
Tim Curry. Darkness desires to turn the skies eternally dark by eliminating day
all together, but to do this he must destroy the unicorns and take possession
of their horns. Apparently, the horns allow whoever has them – other than the
unicorn themselves, of course - to yield enormous power, The unicorn are also
weakened if they are touched by a human, which makes you wonder why one would
go close to one in the first place.
Darkness’s plan is revealed in the very first scene, and I
can only think of two possible explanations for this. Hjortsberg may have
intended it to be foreshadowing the utter campiness that is to follow, or it
may have just been lazy writing. Based on what follows, I’m inclined to give
Hjortsberg the benefit of the doubt here. However, if that is what he indeed
intended, he did Cruise a disservice, for Jack, as well as the film’s other
human character, Princess Lili (Mia Sara), do not appear to be in on the joke.
While other characters talk in what I’d describe as fractured Shakespearean
English, Jack and Lili are given dialogue intended to be romantic and
fantastical, yet without a backstory, which Hjortsberg neglected to include,
their dialogue comes across as silly instead of heartfelt, and Cruise and Sara
are never able to establish any real sense of chemistry.
As the film progresses, we get a cacophony of cinematic
oddities – villains who telegraph their moves before they do them, goblins
attempting humor, Hobbit-like creatures who apparently have never met a serious
moment that they didn’t respond to completely inappropriately, and a villain
who breaks into dance in one of the weirdest attempts at seduction I have seen
in some time. This would be fine if the humor came across as either genuine for
the moment or befitting of the genre. However, there were times in the film
when I wondered what the film was trying to be. To me, too many of the jokes
simply fell flat, and the faux Shakespearean prose never really fit the
characters or the moment. For Shakespearean English to work, it should feel
natural and be universal to all characters. Here it isn’t, and when a switch in
language occurs, it can feel jarring.
The more I think about the film, the more I’m convinced that
nothing in it is supposed to be taken seriously, that it is all one big joke
that perhaps it is best for viewers to know is being played on them prior to
watching the film. Perhaps the film is also intended as a parody of both
Shakespearean comedies and science fiction films of the 1970’s and 1980’s. So
be it. However, by mixing drama and camp together in this way, what has been
created is neither interesting as parody nor involving as adventure. It’s one
of those films that just sits there asking for the audience to love it, but not
giving them any reason to other than the good intentions of the writer and
director and the thankless energy of its cast. Sometimes this is enough. Here,
it just isn’t.
2 stars
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